grow

well, today…umm…i wish i could say that i was a complete “monument of worship” for Jesus- like i said in the last post. but i wasn’t. i will say that i am getting better about not letting stress get to me, but i really have a long ways to go.

i got frustrated today because i slept in and then my whole schedule was behind- i didn’t finish school until like 8:30 tonight! rrr! we are re-doing the floors in our house so it’s a mess- and my brothers are loud and obnoxious- which is normal, i guess, cause they’re boys. but all of the noise and commotion and stuff really makes me tense and aggrevated. i get stressed very easily. and then i get mad at myself for messing up and for being impatient or unkind and i let it ruin my whole day instead of just picking up where i left off.

although, i am becoming more aware of the way i act- the minute i lose my patience, i realize it…and i try to do better. it’s just so hard! lol.

but the more i surrender it to Jesus the easier it gets. i’ve seriously just got to keep my eyes on Him and on living outside of the natural.

actually, tonight, after i finished school, i looked back at my last post- and it reminded me of what God had put on my heart and it made me remember everything that is important.

and also…last night i read 1 corinthians 13:4-8…
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever…

i know everyone has heard this verse a million times, but it really spoke to me. today…although i still messed up anyway…i kept saying pieces of this verse to myself. and it really did help. i didn’t mess up quite as much as i normally would have. like i said, i still have a whole lot to work on, but surrendering to Jesus…is all that it takes.

and one more thing… i’ve been learning so much from the book jordan gave me- authentic beauty. it is so crazy…like some of the very words i had used the day before i started reading it, to describe what i was going through or what i wanted to be like- were in here. it talks about being intimate with Jesus. about our lives being a sanctuary in which He dwells. our lives should be completely surrendered to seeking Him…to seeking intimacy with Him. He died- He gave everything up just to have a chance of being intimate with us. He is in love with us! He is in a deep love with us and He wants us to give everything that we are to Him. how can i ever not live to please Him?! how could i ever do anything to disobey Him or disappoint Him?!
i so just want to let my life be a pure and beautiful place that He dwells in. i want my entire being to be a full purstuit of Him. all that i want is Him. i want His will- not mine.

why is it so hard!!?
i can write long posts all day long- about my desire to be like my Jesus- but i have to take action- i must spend time in His presence everyday and throughout my day. i must seek Him with every ounce of my life. all of my effort must be given to becoming like my Jesus.

and one more thing…don’t let stress and all of the things in your life steal your joy. don’t let work or school or your problems get in the way of all the good things that God has blessed you with.

sometimes i get so wrapped up in my own life and my list of things to do, that i miss out on the joys of the life God gave me.

my little brothers do the sweetest things, and i miss it because i am too busy. my grandparents come over to visit us, and i’m too preoccupied to enjoy their company. life is so full of opportunities to be happy and share joy- and yet…i’m too stressed to see them.

no more…i’m tired of wasting the life that Jesus died just so i could live. i’m tired of wasting life on stress.

no more. i’m done with it.

one person who is an incredible example of having unwavering joy-is telia. if you’ve ever met this girl…she’s like so full of happiness- she never seems to be mad at anyone- she has understanding- even when things aren’t going perfect for her. i don’t know why, but i just started thinking about her tonight.

this weekend i got to hang out with telia- and miss paula and stephanie and julia. (that was sooo mcuh fun- sushi, playing in the fountains, watching benchwarmers, and eating a lot of german chocolate, and talking a lot. lol.)

but anyway- i just saw something really cool about telia’s character. she’s just a great example of not letting the trials in your life get you down or steal your joy.

i didn’t mean to like be all weird about that- i just thought it was cool.

sorry if you don’t know her…haha. bet you’re bored. (unless you skipped that part- shame!)

well, i need to go.

tomorrow is a new day. i surrender it to my Jesus.

i’m out.
-tori

wow! the past few days have been awesome! yeah, i had a few moments that i didn’t handle well, but the more i mess up, the more it makes me want to seek God.

i’ve really been trying to press in and grow so much closer to Him. i want to be on a level of intimacy with God that is so deep…i want to know Him. i want know Him deeply. i want my motives to be pure- i don’t want to do things so that people will see me-but that they will see God. i want to be an arrow pointing to my Father- not to myself. i will give all of the glory to my God. i don’t want to be seen. i just want to be used. i want to be a living reflection of my Father.

so…

refuge was amazing tonight! chad daniel’s message covered a lot of things that spoke to me. he spoke about living outside of the natural. in your life, you shouldn’t depend on yourself to fix your problems and you also shouldn’t focus on your problems. you should focus on God and on seeking Him.

the worship tonight- indescribable. i know that all i want is God. all of my plans, hopes, desires, and dreams…i give to God. He is in control of everything. every detail- He cares about and is in control of. i want to truly live for Him- with all i am.

tonight- i felt such a peace. sometimes i worry so much about my friends, my family, my life, my clothes, and whatever else…and i forget to just let God take over. and somehow- He always reminds me that He’s here. He never left. He reminds me that He is all i need- i don’t need to worry or focus on anything but Him. He’s got plans for me. Big ones! i just have to press into His presence- and stay diligent.

i really believe that God is doing something real in this generation. we are rising up and we’re gonna take this world for God. He is using us. we just have to be willing. i want God to take over.

God, take this life…take my heart…take everything i am…God, convict me of my sins, and show me what to do, speak to me, and direct me.

take all the glory to Your name- let me not become proud.

let us draw near to You.
let us know you intimately.
all we want is to see Your kingdom come- that’s why we’re here on this earth.

let our lives be a monument of worship to You.

let us not lose sight of our purpose.
i pray that You will be proud of us. let us put a smile on our Father’s face.

God we are your children. carry us like a daddy carries his young children. hold our hands. teach us. when we fall- heal us. show us your tender love and discipline us. God, we love you. thank You for being our Daddy. hold us in Your arms. and tell us that You are here protecting us and loving us.

okay so…

i love God! yep. He’s awesome beyond anything i can imagine.

also…jordan gave me a book by leslie ludy (authentic beauty) that i can’t wait to start reading. he gave it to me so i can study it for “making faces”. (ashlyn and my life group) but i think that it’s going to be good for me on a personal level also. he said that he’s in the middle of reading it and that it’s awesome…

here’s what he wrote about it on his blog:

i’ve been reading this book Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy…yes it’s a chick book, and yes there is a reason I would be reading, just be patient…ok so I bought this book originaly to better understand girls and what they go through… i figured if i knew, I would be better able to encourage them and direct them to Christ, which ultimately is what i want to happen with everyone i come into contact with…anyway what I thought would be a look into the female physce actually became a challenging experience…let me explain… though this book is geared towards women, it spoke to me as well…it talked about you being the sanctuary of God and how you must continually clean it, continually gaurd it, and continually use it…I look at my life, and I see all kind of junk that lay scattered everywhere in my sanctuary, and i don’t want that…i want my sanctuary to be pure and blameless without blemish…I want my God to feel welcomed and wanted…I want my God to feel adored when he thinks of me… the book also talks about living a life of intimacy and living a life of worship… as i read her story, I find myself longing for what she has…I know i’ve said it before, but I just long to know my king more and more everyday…I long to grow in my love and adoration for Him everyday…I long to live a life of abandonment for Him that died for me…I mean this book has challenged me in so many ways…

(to read the rest, go here)

so yeah… God is awesome! i’m really becoming more and more aware of my dependency on Him.

and i thank God for my friends and family that help me and guide me and act as examples and encouragers toward me. God has truly blessed me with amazing people to learn from.

well, i’m out.
tomorrow is CLOSER!! if you’re in highschool, you’re invited! so come.
(ooh, i gotta answer those question!)

okay…see y’all later.

-tori

well, school started today…

i just finished my first algebra 2 lesson and i’m about to start another subject. same old school.

but this is gonna be a great year!

i’m determined not to let stress overtake me- and i’m going to keep God first. i won’t get caught up in the stresses of this life. i will be patient and i will learn all that i can!

and yet again, i have been reminded that…this life is not mine…it’s God’s. i’ve just been given the privilege of living it.

well, that’s what’s on my mind.
gtg.

-tori

we had our back to school swim party tonight!
a lot of people came. it’s definitely a big group and it’s still growing. God’s really got His hand on this life group. i’m so excited about all that He’s doing with it. and the students are going to start putting their input into it, too.

yay. it’s going amazingly well. i can’t wait to see what God’s got planned for us this year.

oh- and ashlyn and i had our meeting today!!!
we start our life group on the 29th (or whatever that tuesday is… i need to find that out)
and it’s going to be at ashlyn’s house at three o’clock- after school.

we decided to call it “making faces”. our focus is going to be on helping girls find their identity in Christ. we’re going to cover topics that all freshman girls go through. it’s kind of like a preparation for what’s coming their way in high school.

so- i can’t wait!! yay!!

pray for us- that the life group will be a success and that we help these girls come closer to God. and pray that we will be strong in our leadership and effective in our teachings.

thanks.

-tori

refuge was soooo awesome tonight!!!

it was high in attendance too. i guess having the freshman there for the first time and school starting up again had something to do with it. i’m really excited about the freshman! tomorrow, ashlyn and i are going to talk to t.o. about starting our life group- for freshman girls!! i can’t wait!

anyway, tonight’s service was incredible. (and we also had our equip graduation! i got a very nice badge- a stephanie bain original. lol.)

well, i’m so ready to start a revolution- and yes homeschoolers can do it too! (especially those of us with younger siblings. we influence them by everything that we do, and they look up to us more than we think. so we have the responsibility of setting the example of what they should act like.- okay now i’m kind of rambling and sort of just saying this for myself.:-)

okay- the other night i was talking to my mom. and i was telling her that i have been having trouble focusing on God- like i get really distracted with my own little world and with my own social life, etc. i end up acting really selfish at home because my focus is on my own life and not on other people’s lives. i should be so consumed with pleasing God that i forget about myself completely.

so talking to my mom helped me out a lot. she told me to be praying for God to help me focus on Him.
then (the day before this conversation with my mom) i was doing a collage for the cover of my school binder, and God gave me a scripture to put on the back of it. it’s 2 tim. 2:4… “and as Christ’s soldier, do not let yourself become tied up with the affairs of this life or you will not be able to satisfy the One who has enlisted you in His army.”
the next day i went back and read this. and it was like God just dropped it in my lap and said, “forget about the ‘affairs of your life’ and focus on me and on fighting in my army”.
so that was really cool.
then, last night i got on the computer and read jordan’s blog. and his post was about forgetting about your social life and relationships, it was about getting your heart focused on God. he said some pretty true things that hit the nail on the head for me.
it’s so amazing how God speaks to you through other people and through binder collages and even through people’s blogs!
i always say this but… GOD IS SO COOL! i mean i can’t imagine life without Him and i don’t want to. i really want to change the world. i really do want to focus all of my energy on Him alone. it’s time for me to expand my thoughts beyond my own little world and start seeing the world through God’s eyes. i need to put other people first- i should worship God through serving others and by caring about other people’s lives more than my own.

so that’s where i’m at right now.

excited, and ready to go.
and like i always say…
i’m gonna fail, but when i do… i’m gonna stand back up and try again.

GOD IS SOOOOO COOL!

oh and please welcome to our family in Christ…

lincoln david ohlerking!!

my six year old brother asked Jesus into his heart tonight!
few things could make me happier.
(he wrote about it *here*)

and today was j.d.’s birthday! he turned 12. crazy!
we went to the mall with our family (and our aunt, uncle, cousin, and grandparents) and we got beignetts to celebrate his birthday. eating powdered sugar in a black jacket! lol. not the smartest move.

but, i had a pretty good day. oh and i also got to go to starbucks with jordan, cody, jacie, mickey, and shae after refuge. which was fun. cody is obsessed with whipped cream- he got a cup full of just whipped cream and caramel sauce and ate it with a spoon. lol.

tomorrow is the closer pool party!! if you go to refuge- then you’re more than welcome to come to the party (let me know and i’ll send you directions)- or even if you don’t go to refuge, just as long as you’re in high school you can come.

and- how does everyone like my slide shows? i’m happy because i thought that you could only do those on myspace, but it works on blogger too! yay! hopefully i can post some on the mexico blog soon, too.

alright, i think i’m done writing now. i can’t think of much more to say. lol.

i’m proud of myself- i’ve posted like three times today!

later…
-tori

last week was sooo much fun.

i got to hang with miss paula, ashlyn, rachel jane, jordan, and cody on tuesday and wednesday.

i ate sushi!!at hello sushi! and i actually liked it. haha:-)

i got to be there when they picked up julia from the airport.

refuge was awesome wednesday-extremely awesome!

thursday-st. franny!! mike haviland’s message was incredible! and ashlyn did great on her song! julia and miss paula and maw maw sue came too! mackenzie took me and lacey dotson and brittany mcdonough to a coffee house before the service. i got a peach banana smoothie! if you ever go to st. francisville, you have to try that!

and that night we went to mackenzie’s. a lot of people came after the service and a few of us stayed the night. we had a blast. we talked until 5 am! so the next day i was pooped.

so friday, miss lori brought us back to baton rouge.
then i went to the water outreach.
and i went to get ready to go to celebration station for jordan’s birthday. that was really fun. i told everyone that i stunk at put-put (which i did- if any of you went with closer that time- you know that i really did stink at put-put!) but for some reason, every other time i went to put, i made a hole in one!! it was crazy!

so everybody thought i was hustling them, but i wasn’t- i swear!

but we had fun at celebration station. i got to meet a lot of people from french settlement who were really cool.

saturday i hung out at my house- my mom and grandpa were remodeling out kitchen.
sunday i went to church with my dad. it was so cool- everybody on the stage jumping! so cool.
monday i worked at children’s cup and went to ihop for supper. then went shopping for school supplies! talk about CHAOS!
that was stressful- to say the least. but i did get an awesome bag from target! that made me happy.

this morning i worked at children’s cup again…
and now i’m home… typing a blog.

school books are here, but we probably won’t start until next week ’cause my mom is still working on the kitchen and she has to get all of our assignments together- and tomorrow is jd’s birthday!!-and it would be pretty much evil to make him start school on that day. lol. but i’m ready to start as soon as we can. i’m ready to get it done-i don’t want to rush it, but i do want to get started.

so like i said, wednesday is my brother’s birthday, outreach, and refuge.
thursday, i have a portfolio review meeting with t.o. and also a life group planning meeting with ashlyn and t.o. and the CLOSER swimming party! can’t wait.

i always write out my entire week and you probably get sick of it. but there are so many cool things going on! i like writing about it so i can remember it.

here’s what’s been going on for me lately…

saturday i went to a refuge cfc event. and i finally watched the first pirates of the carribean!

then yesterday i got to go see the second one with stephanie- at the new rave!

today i’m not sure what’s going on.

but tomorrow i get to go with ashlyn, rachel, macy, and i think miss paula and a few other people to eat sushi! and after that we’re all going to pick up julia, an exchange student from germany.

so i’m really excited about that and i can’t wait.

i’m kind of mad right now because tom is messing with my myspace mail and i can’t get on and check my messages and comments. rrr.

(yes, i’m just a tad bit addicted to myspace:-)

ok-wednesday is, of course, refuge!

then thursday, i may or may not be going to st. franny. mackenzie (kaizer) asked me if i wanted to get a group of baton rouge people to go up there and spend the night.
i’ve got to check with my parents and make sure that they are okay with that and then i have to message mackenzie back- if tom ever gets done with my myspace!

ok-now that you know my schedule here are some deeper words…

i guess God has been telling me- like He always does- that time is really short and getting shorter. we need to live like there’s no tomorrow and give all that we are to Him. every action that we take and everything that we say needs to glorify Him. we have to have self-control over everything that we do. we must keep our motives pure and our hearts right.

we’re on fire so let’s spread it! spread it to everyone. there are so many hurting souls- so many people who need a savior.
we can’t afford to get side-tracked anymore. we can’t get tied up in the affairs of this life because if we do we can not satisfy the one who enlisted us in His army. (that’s somewhere in the Bible-1 or 2 tim. or ephesians ? idk)

i know i waste so much time. and i get so wrapped up in myself and what i want. i make so many mistakes and i forget to act like i’m representing Christ.

i need determination. i can do this i just have to stay strong-or as 4point5 said wednesday-stay courageous! our generation has the ability to truly change the world. i think we underestimate the power that we have. we affect the entire world. was it adam mccain who said that the world looks to the youth to make decisions about the economy? he said that they look at what we think is cool, what we wear, what we eat, what music we listen to,… and they use that as their guidelines for what they do. they want our attention. if they get our attention-then they get everyone’s attention-because we are the generation that everyone is affected by.

so if we affect everyone by what we do… what’s holding us back? if we decide to take a stand for Jesus then everyone will see it. the world looks to the youth to see what they are doing- so if we show them Jesus when they look at us- then they will find Him.

i really want to live what i’ve been saying. it’s so easy to sit here and type all of this, but i want to have the guts to actually get out there and do it. i pray that God gives me the courage to do it.

(i feel like i say the same stuff in every post. lol. but that’s what’s on my heart right now)

so yeah- that’s what my deep thoughts have been lately.

oh yeah another hugely awesome thing that i’m extremely excited about-
ashlyn asked me to start a LIFE GROUP with her!!!!

i’m not sure about any of the details yet, but we’re gonna talk about it on tuesday.
i can’t wait!! this is gonna be incredible.

in equip, t.o. asked us to think about starting our own life group this fall and i didn’t know if i was going to do that or not. but since ashlyn asked me… i definitely am.

be praying for us to do well in this- and that we put what we learned in equip to use. pray that our leadership is strong and that we make an effect on the people we teach. and pray that this life group is a success and that many people come to it.

this is sooooo AWESOME!

alright. ttyl.
-tori

well, i won’t repost my favorite pictures, but i’ll tell you which ones they are.

i like the ones with me and the two boys- holding up bunny ears on them. those guys were funny. i loved them- even though they were very mischevious.

and i like the picture of me holding the baby. that’s my girl. she snuggled right up to me. aww.

and i also like the one of kaleeka (?) she’s the older lady in the purple dress. me and maddie tried to talk to her, but all i could say was “no comprende”. lol. but miss kaleeka was the sweetest women and her smile was so beautiful.

so yeah, i like all of the pictures- which is why i posted all of them. i hope it doesn’t overwhelm you to badly but i hope you enjoy them.

-tori

i’m seriously going to bed now…
as soon as i check my email.